Happy New Year's Eve! :)
The past few days my college roomie from Carmel was here and on Monday some of my friends from Purdue who reside in Kansas were here with their baby boy. It was PERFECT timing to have them here and was the first time all break that I felt like I was on vacation. :) I was so incredibly grateful for that time with them!
My friend from Purdue and I spent a lot of time reflecting on this past year together and looking to '09. Neither of us are huge on New Year's resolutions especially ones that we know aren't attainable like lose 45 pounds or something ridiculous like that. :) But I did make a list of things that I want to accomplish in this coming year...
In 2009:
**Roadtrip with my friend Angela to Kentucky to visit our friend in seminary--going in January!
**Go on a cruise to the Bahamas--Going in April!
**Go to New York City--I have no plans of this but would really like to.... :)
**Learn how to knit--I know this one is funny! But I want to know how and since I'm left handed no one has ever been able to teach me well. So a yarn store here has classes and I definitely signed up for one the other day. :)
**Start my masters in June '09 and save the incredible amount of money to pay for it....
**Have my house professionally painted in the fall of 2009. I have already been saving money for that. My goal is to always do one major house project a year to keep it as up to date as possible for resell purposes. This year I put a roof on my house so this will be next year's project.
**Train for and complete the Indy Mini Marathon--May '09
**Do the Indoor Triathlon through they YMCA which starts in a week! You have to bike 112 miles, swim 2.4 miles, and run 26.2 miles but you have six weeks to do it.
**Read more books....I love reading but didn't read last year as much as I usually do.
**Get pedicures often......:) Last summer I became a little addicted to this. The funny part is two of my friends (who also are addicted to pedicures) bought me a gift certificate for my bday. :)
**Journal more.....I started journaling again last year after a long break of not. I want to continue but become a little more consistent.
**Continue finding more balance in all areas of my life....it's really easy to get out of balance in any area and that's something I've been working on really hard this year.
I'm constantly making new goals and working to achieve them but this is a good start of a lot of different things.....:)
Happy 2009!
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Friday, December 26, 2008
Florida, Anyone?? :)
The weather has been so so so crazy.......this morning we had the most ridiculous freezing rain and it took me well over an hour to get from my parents house back to my house and tonight when I left Bremen it was pouring rain and it was some of the worst fog that I have ever seen and it definitely took me an hour and a half to return home. The past few weeks we have had the craziest weather!!! It makes me want to go to Florida for a while! But I am going to the Bahamas in 4 months so I guess it gives me something to look forward to! :)
I am particularly excited about tomorrow. I am going to Chicago in the morning with my friend Rachelle who resides in Texas but her parents live in Valpo, Indiana so she's around for the holidays. We are going up and meeting a friend of ours whose parents live near Chicago. I am so glad to spend time with both of them and to get away for a day.....it will definitely be healthy for me to not worry about getting to the hospital and I'm sure will make me more rejuvenated and ready to tackle whatever is next when I return. Sometimes the Lord uses us in ways that we aren't expecting but over the past few days I have been realizing more and more why the Lord has me so heavily involved in this situation. There has been so much progress made in the past few days........not in ways that people would predict/expect but in amazing ways. As long as we can continue to speak truth over and over I am confident that it will come true. Sometimes when we pray, "Lord use me however you want" we aren't ready when He lays it out there. Over the past year the Lord has really been training me on how to discern truth and lies, which seems like a very black and white concept but it hasn't been. That has been so incredibly helpful these past few months with Grandma.
While I'm getting things ready for tomorrow I'm watching the Dateline episode about the Mistaken Identity case from the girls at Taylor University. It always makes me cry and reminds me so much of how precious our time is. We always spend so much time planning our futures but we really need to enjoy the present....
I am particularly excited about tomorrow. I am going to Chicago in the morning with my friend Rachelle who resides in Texas but her parents live in Valpo, Indiana so she's around for the holidays. We are going up and meeting a friend of ours whose parents live near Chicago. I am so glad to spend time with both of them and to get away for a day.....it will definitely be healthy for me to not worry about getting to the hospital and I'm sure will make me more rejuvenated and ready to tackle whatever is next when I return. Sometimes the Lord uses us in ways that we aren't expecting but over the past few days I have been realizing more and more why the Lord has me so heavily involved in this situation. There has been so much progress made in the past few days........not in ways that people would predict/expect but in amazing ways. As long as we can continue to speak truth over and over I am confident that it will come true. Sometimes when we pray, "Lord use me however you want" we aren't ready when He lays it out there. Over the past year the Lord has really been training me on how to discern truth and lies, which seems like a very black and white concept but it hasn't been. That has been so incredibly helpful these past few months with Grandma.
While I'm getting things ready for tomorrow I'm watching the Dateline episode about the Mistaken Identity case from the girls at Taylor University. It always makes me cry and reminds me so much of how precious our time is. We always spend so much time planning our futures but we really need to enjoy the present....
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Our Time...
Today with Grandma was rough....I am usually very very strong but when I left tonight I cried most of the way home. I finally called my dad so that I would stop crying and replayed everything that happened from start to finish. She had an insanely rough day....words can't describe how bad her day was. She's slipping away from us but a little at a time which is not how we every dreamt it would be with her. We always thought it would be instantaneous with her but it's not that way. If you have ever been through the pain of watching someone die one day at a time and being there every step of the way you understand. I have done that with all my grandparents except one who died before I was born. This one though I have been there the most and will continue to be until her last day in this life no matter what sacrifices I have to make....it's definitely changed my life in the past few months. Every evening and every weekend I travel to wherever she is and sit with her and work with her to get better. Not exactly the typical 25 year old lifestyle but that's ok. The roommate that she has currently has a grandson who is my age who is doing the same thing and so we shared a laugh about that tonight as we continued to eat hospital food....it's all starting to taste the same that's for sure. :)
Her mind is slipping away and that's harder to watch than her body slipping away. We can fix her body slipping away a lot better than her mind but there isn't much we can do for this. She was not herself today and to the degree that she had to move rooms...that was hard. She's not the woman that I know but she doesn't know what she's doing. It's so hard because she wants to die and she is in the best position to pass away of anyone I know. She has loved the Lord and served him with all her heart for her entire life. We continue to discuss the Lord's faithfulness even in these trying times, we still pray together, read the scriptures together, laugh and cry together about how His timing is not our own. She has everything so prepared on this Earth for her to pass away when it happens. Every night she thinks it's her last night and every morning she wakes up. I'm at this point where I would love to see her live forever but our bodies are not meant to live forever and she is not living life well at this point and not enjoying it. It has always been my prayer that when the Lord takes her home that it's fast and that there is no pain/suffering and that's not happening. She's miserable and in turn in causes misery on a lot of family members.....the other day she cried and just kept saying that she wants to be with the Lord. What do you do with that? Everyday I ask her to work hard and do her exercises and eat (oh what a debate that is!) and not to give up but she is so done with this life and has nothing to look forward to from her current perspective.
I do really love how the Lord has been working in this final stage though. It is an extreme blessing by having her in this hospital because they focus on physical and occupational therapy. Her physical body is in the best state it has been in for months.....if she could just gain weight it would be set.....it's her mind that's not ok all of a sudden. The nurses bend over backwards for her. There is one in particular that Grandma adores and she would do whatever she asked. I baked her cookies the other day because we couldn't have done this without her. The new roommate that Grandma has as of this evening is not in a good position health wise but is from my hometown of Akron and has the same family physician as my grandmother.....how amazing! I sat with her and her family and talked with them a bit tonight and it was just so amazing to see how the Lord would put her with this woman that knows a lot of the same people that we do and has a very similar upbringing.
I know the truth and I know that the Lord takes us when it's our time. Sometimes in these situations though you wonder what His plan is. Clearly there's something that one of us as a family is to learn, the staff at this hospital, my grandmother, who knows. I have never understood suffering and I've gone through my share of it in my lifetime and I know that I have always learned so much from it but this type is different. She is not even well enough to leave the hospital tomorrow to come be with my family. We were going to go pick her up and take her to my parent's house for a small dinner and she can't even do that........so we're going to her. This Christmas is a little different to say the least......
Her mind is slipping away and that's harder to watch than her body slipping away. We can fix her body slipping away a lot better than her mind but there isn't much we can do for this. She was not herself today and to the degree that she had to move rooms...that was hard. She's not the woman that I know but she doesn't know what she's doing. It's so hard because she wants to die and she is in the best position to pass away of anyone I know. She has loved the Lord and served him with all her heart for her entire life. We continue to discuss the Lord's faithfulness even in these trying times, we still pray together, read the scriptures together, laugh and cry together about how His timing is not our own. She has everything so prepared on this Earth for her to pass away when it happens. Every night she thinks it's her last night and every morning she wakes up. I'm at this point where I would love to see her live forever but our bodies are not meant to live forever and she is not living life well at this point and not enjoying it. It has always been my prayer that when the Lord takes her home that it's fast and that there is no pain/suffering and that's not happening. She's miserable and in turn in causes misery on a lot of family members.....the other day she cried and just kept saying that she wants to be with the Lord. What do you do with that? Everyday I ask her to work hard and do her exercises and eat (oh what a debate that is!) and not to give up but she is so done with this life and has nothing to look forward to from her current perspective.
I do really love how the Lord has been working in this final stage though. It is an extreme blessing by having her in this hospital because they focus on physical and occupational therapy. Her physical body is in the best state it has been in for months.....if she could just gain weight it would be set.....it's her mind that's not ok all of a sudden. The nurses bend over backwards for her. There is one in particular that Grandma adores and she would do whatever she asked. I baked her cookies the other day because we couldn't have done this without her. The new roommate that Grandma has as of this evening is not in a good position health wise but is from my hometown of Akron and has the same family physician as my grandmother.....how amazing! I sat with her and her family and talked with them a bit tonight and it was just so amazing to see how the Lord would put her with this woman that knows a lot of the same people that we do and has a very similar upbringing.
I know the truth and I know that the Lord takes us when it's our time. Sometimes in these situations though you wonder what His plan is. Clearly there's something that one of us as a family is to learn, the staff at this hospital, my grandmother, who knows. I have never understood suffering and I've gone through my share of it in my lifetime and I know that I have always learned so much from it but this type is different. She is not even well enough to leave the hospital tomorrow to come be with my family. We were going to go pick her up and take her to my parent's house for a small dinner and she can't even do that........so we're going to her. This Christmas is a little different to say the least......
Monday, December 22, 2008
Christmas Break....
It's been an interesting start to vacation so far with crazy weather and arctic temps! I have received so many text messages/emails from friends who live in warmer climates like the Carolinas, Florida, and Texas reminding me that it's not cold there....I was tempted to go visit immediately! :) This always happens to me on break but I am someone who really loves being busy and going to work and then I find myself missing it. This morning after I ran I really was ready to go to work.....that's not normal I'm aware. :) Usually the first week of break is fine but the second week I have done everything under the sun I could dream of. I think this time is just different because of the family stuff going on. All my time, energy, and emotions are being poured into a woman's life who doesn't want to live anymore but clearly her time is not up. The past few days in particular have been a rollercoaster ride with her......she has been so high/low and her mind has not been right at all. One day she had no idea where she was or why she was there...yesterday I bought a ton of stuff that she wanted and then she decided she didn't want it. You just have to laugh at those situations that's for sure. It's just me today with her....my uncle who was going to come lives in Michigan and they are currently under a blizzard warning. My mom has a retirement party to attend and needs some emotional time for herself today. It' s usually ok with other people. On average the past few days we have had 3-5 people with her daily. It's typically not ok by yourself though....I think hospitals like that are on a different time zone because time goes very slowly there and it's no wonder that people don't like going to hospitals like this. She keeps changing her mind about her intentions of what to do after we can get her out of there....I'm sure I will get a different story today in fact. I almost need a score card.....:) This morning while I was running 5 miles on the treadmill I started to think about how she would love to be able to walk half a mile right now. It's a constant reminder to me to be so grateful for what I have and not for what I don't have. It's so easy in this society to focus on stuff we need but really as long as I have a body that can function properly I'm set. It really resets your priorities/focus.
On other random notes, I downloaded an audio book for Grandma--the Shack. I have been listening to it on my computer and think this may be my new favorite way of keeping up with books. I love to read but always feel like I should be doing a hundred other things. Yesterday I listened to over half the book while being "Martha Stewart" and doing all the things I never have time to do like make Christmas cookies for all my neighbors......I had to draw the line after a while because I have a lot of neighbors. Listening to it has been really interesting because I've been picking up on different things this time. One thing that really hit me is the main character was surprised about God's appearance and His comment was that it didn't really matter what He looked like because the main character wouldn't care anymore after getting to know Him well. That really hit me hard because it reminded me of how much time I spend making sure that I look 'good'. How much time I spend exercising, running, money I spend on clothes, makeup, etc. Really it shouldn't matter because people should be captivated by who I am and not what I look like. I'm not saying I am going to give up exercising and sit around and eat Twinkies all day (I don't even like foods like that...) :) but it does remind me that I have to find a proper balance. The Lord has really been helping me to find a new balance in that area of my life for about 6 months now and I have come a long long ways in that time but I wouldn't say that I am any expert in that area that's for sure. The book is helping me to really redefine my concept of God and it reminds me of how relational the Lord is. I know those things...but I need reminded sometimes.
On other random notes, I downloaded an audio book for Grandma--the Shack. I have been listening to it on my computer and think this may be my new favorite way of keeping up with books. I love to read but always feel like I should be doing a hundred other things. Yesterday I listened to over half the book while being "Martha Stewart" and doing all the things I never have time to do like make Christmas cookies for all my neighbors......I had to draw the line after a while because I have a lot of neighbors. Listening to it has been really interesting because I've been picking up on different things this time. One thing that really hit me is the main character was surprised about God's appearance and His comment was that it didn't really matter what He looked like because the main character wouldn't care anymore after getting to know Him well. That really hit me hard because it reminded me of how much time I spend making sure that I look 'good'. How much time I spend exercising, running, money I spend on clothes, makeup, etc. Really it shouldn't matter because people should be captivated by who I am and not what I look like. I'm not saying I am going to give up exercising and sit around and eat Twinkies all day (I don't even like foods like that...) :) but it does remind me that I have to find a proper balance. The Lord has really been helping me to find a new balance in that area of my life for about 6 months now and I have come a long long ways in that time but I wouldn't say that I am any expert in that area that's for sure. The book is helping me to really redefine my concept of God and it reminds me of how relational the Lord is. I know those things...but I need reminded sometimes.
Friday, December 19, 2008
Dominick the Donkey
If you are bored check this out....hilarious! My kids at school adore this song.....don't ask me why.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nQrdxtWgHbE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nQrdxtWgHbE
Updates from the Week
Here are a few updates from a crazy/wild week:
1) We ended up getting all the ice last night and have no school today. I was majorly bummed.....:( Plus I don't have electricity, which means I'm just sitting around and in 59 minutes my laptop battery will be dead and my cell phone battery is already dead. I should have been a little more prepared for this situation. :)
2) Even though my kids didn't get their Christmas party today yesterday they won a huge party and it was so fun. Every one of my kids made their accelerated reading goals and let me tell you I made their goals huge! As a class, they made 1200 points...I was so proud of them! So I paid for a pizza party and we had a reading marathon day and they got to wear pajamas and the whole bit. The best part of the day was when "Santa Claus" delivered a new bike to one of the girls in my classroom who I had let the administration know that she needed one. She was ecstatic and it made me so happy for her! She's such a sweet girl and is wise beyond her years for sure! So I guess we'll be having a Christmas party after the new year....oh my!
3) Grandma was admitted to the hospital this week and was there for 3 days and then discharged to Doctor's Hospital in Bremen. It's a rehab hospital and I'm really glad she's there....it looks like she's going to be there for a while. It was a rocky week but I think she's where she needs to be for now. She doesn't really qualify to go home yet and doesn't qualify for a nursing home so we're in limbo. The goal is to get her stronger physically and emotionally so that she can go home. I've been going to wherever she is at everyday, which is good I wouldn't want to be left alone if I was in that situation. It looks like the next few weeks I'll be with her a lot......but I will do whatever it takes to get her on the road to recovery. What a hard situation! It really makes you stop and think about all the things that you take for granted every day. In the end it's those simple daily activities that you can't do. I find myself thanking God more and more for just being able to have a body that can function properly. Needless to say, my Christmas vacation will be filled with doing rehab activities with Grandma and talking to the elderly. :)
4) One of my best friends from high school lost her dad this week to a blood clot...he was 51. The memorial is tomorrow morning and I'm planning to go before I leave for Chicago. It makes me so sad for her because there was not this process of preparing yourself mentally for change and no opportunity to start the process of grieving instead it just hit like a train. She's a very very strong person and I met up with her the other night and was amazed by her strength!
5) Our cruise for spring break is officially booked!!!! Bahamas here were come on April 5, 2009! I'm so glad that I can travel and am so looking forward to that trip!
6) I'm going to Chicago (weather permitting) tomorrow for the annual Christmas party with the Purdue RA's....oh I hope the weather is ok! I will be going to Chicago next Saturday too to visit my friend from Texas and my friend Laura.....so excited!
1) We ended up getting all the ice last night and have no school today. I was majorly bummed.....:( Plus I don't have electricity, which means I'm just sitting around and in 59 minutes my laptop battery will be dead and my cell phone battery is already dead. I should have been a little more prepared for this situation. :)
2) Even though my kids didn't get their Christmas party today yesterday they won a huge party and it was so fun. Every one of my kids made their accelerated reading goals and let me tell you I made their goals huge! As a class, they made 1200 points...I was so proud of them! So I paid for a pizza party and we had a reading marathon day and they got to wear pajamas and the whole bit. The best part of the day was when "Santa Claus" delivered a new bike to one of the girls in my classroom who I had let the administration know that she needed one. She was ecstatic and it made me so happy for her! She's such a sweet girl and is wise beyond her years for sure! So I guess we'll be having a Christmas party after the new year....oh my!
3) Grandma was admitted to the hospital this week and was there for 3 days and then discharged to Doctor's Hospital in Bremen. It's a rehab hospital and I'm really glad she's there....it looks like she's going to be there for a while. It was a rocky week but I think she's where she needs to be for now. She doesn't really qualify to go home yet and doesn't qualify for a nursing home so we're in limbo. The goal is to get her stronger physically and emotionally so that she can go home. I've been going to wherever she is at everyday, which is good I wouldn't want to be left alone if I was in that situation. It looks like the next few weeks I'll be with her a lot......but I will do whatever it takes to get her on the road to recovery. What a hard situation! It really makes you stop and think about all the things that you take for granted every day. In the end it's those simple daily activities that you can't do. I find myself thanking God more and more for just being able to have a body that can function properly. Needless to say, my Christmas vacation will be filled with doing rehab activities with Grandma and talking to the elderly. :)
4) One of my best friends from high school lost her dad this week to a blood clot...he was 51. The memorial is tomorrow morning and I'm planning to go before I leave for Chicago. It makes me so sad for her because there was not this process of preparing yourself mentally for change and no opportunity to start the process of grieving instead it just hit like a train. She's a very very strong person and I met up with her the other night and was amazed by her strength!
5) Our cruise for spring break is officially booked!!!! Bahamas here were come on April 5, 2009! I'm so glad that I can travel and am so looking forward to that trip!
6) I'm going to Chicago (weather permitting) tomorrow for the annual Christmas party with the Purdue RA's....oh I hope the weather is ok! I will be going to Chicago next Saturday too to visit my friend from Texas and my friend Laura.....so excited!
Too Cute!
Two people that I knew from Purdue just got engaged and there was an article in their local newspaper....so cute!
http://www.kokomotribune.com/local/local_story_353231344.html
http://www.kokomotribune.com/local/local_story_353231344.html
Monday, December 15, 2008
Making Every Moment Count....
So over the past few weeks I have really been reminded to make every moment count with everyone I love and to have no regrets. I feel like I have always lived my life like that but there can be times where I can find myself becoming a little selfish and especially over this last week I have remembered that it's not about me at all. Over the past day, a good friend of mine lost her precious grandmother to a battle with cancer and one of my best friends from high school tragically and suddenly lost her father to a blood clot and neither of them were there to say their final goodbyes. Today my grandmother was admitted to the hospital, which I knew would happen within the next few days but still hit me like a train... She has congestive heart failure and the main reason for having her admitted right now is to drain all the fluids out of her because she's carrying at least twenty pounds of water. We had our family Christmas on that side of the family last weekend and I am so glad that we were able to get that in before this process started. She obviously didn't feel well during it but she was a trooper. I think my fondest memory of it was after we were done opening Christmas presents I was sitting beside her on a couch and I told her how amazing of a grandmother she was and all the life lessons that her and granddad taught us. She of course said they had no idea what they were doing as grandparents but we remininisced about a few memories from the past. Grandma and I have a lot of memories because we have always been close and we have always done so much together. She always taught me that she didn't care what I did in life but to have no regrets in life and I certainly have no regrets about my relationship with my grandparents.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Hilarious!
One of my students came in this morning declaring that she had a vision to be the new school mascot, which is a huge Cardinal designed for someone very tall at which she is not. Our principal told her that if she could make it work he would consider it so we went and dug it out of storage and put it on her and she loved it so much despite the fact that it's heavy and hot that she is now our new school mascot! :)
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